Supporting Couples & Fathers

In general, children do better when they have a relationship with both parents. Children’s Services have a tendency to focus only on mothers when it comes to parenting, and fathers can feel excluded from the system and redundant in their role as a parent. Many of the mothers in our care will have ongoing relationships with their babies’ fathers, whether or not they still see themselves as a couple. For the vast majority of babies and children, encouraging fathers to be as involved as they can will only be good for the child’s long-term development.

Dad is Around, but not in the Placement

Unless there are safeguarding reasons why a child should not see their father, think how you can encourage or facilitate this. When the mother moves into independence in the community, her network will be important, and children have a right to know both parents.

If possible, offer your home as a place the dad can visit mum and baby. If the only time a baby gets to see their dad is out in a shopping centre or other public place, she will probably spend most of the time in a buggy, and there will be less opportunity for things which promote bonding.

If you are around dad when he is interacting with his baby, the same applies as for mothers. He may not be used to babies, and have had only negative role models, so modelling positive interactions, and giving encouraging feedback will build his confidence. If the child only sees her dad for contact and you have no interaction with him, you can still help build the relationship by talking positively about him to the baby.

Both Parents Are in the Placement

Some local authorities take the view that it is more realistic to assess a mother alongside the father, and place both parents in placements. This is most appropriate where you are fostering as a couple. It can be very rewarding — many young couples have never seen a healthy relationship in action and can learn from you just by living in the same house. At the same time, very challenging!

It is really important at the placement planning meeting to be absolutely clear about how the placement will work: How much can parents decide who is looking after the baby and when? How much privacy do you give the couple? These placements probably work best when the parents get breaks from each other.

Just Dad is in the Placement

Although less common, dads can also spend time in PAC placements for support and assessment. There is a common myth that men are less capable when it comes to caring for a baby. In fact, research has shown that, given the same support as mothers, fathers are just as sensitive to baby’s needs and responsive in meeting them.

Most of the guidance in this website about how we support mothers can also be applied to fathers. They may struggle with their mental health, need help learning practical skills, and need some time out for themselves. The Dad Info website has an excellent section for single dads.